PSA: Failure Becomes Success

By: Ali Benz

Not sure if it’s because my mom signed me up for a 21-day meditation with Deepak Chopra or because I’ve been binge-watching The Bachelor, but I’m feeling extra positive today. Sit back while I spread some awareness. Hopefully this informational blog will help you follow your dreams or at least inspire you to do reality television. Welcome to my Ted Talk.

If you’re alive right now, congrats. You live in a world where everything you do is publicized and rated. Nothing is real. Some may say it’s a simulation. Some may also be on acid. The point is, this digital age is a blessing and a curse. Where it was once only possible to gain fame and fortune through talent and skill, it is now just as easy through failure and exposure. Not following? Allow me to explain:

The other night I was googling if I could ride in the HOV lane with my dog. You can’t. I did. Why? The Bachelor. I needed to get home in time for the finale. Tragic, but true. I don’t care about Colton or who he deflowers, etc. My excitement was strictly in seeing the girls that lost. Those are the real stars. The wild ones who will continue to shine through failure, absurdity, and sometimes nudity.  They’re set for life and we can’t get enough.

Do I think Chris Harrison is that inspirational? No, but it does go to show that it never hurts to put yourself out there. How does that stupid quote go? “Reach for the moon, even if you miss you land with stars” or some BS?  I used to think it was just some obnoxious banner in the classroom, but as I’ve gotten older and wiser, I’ve realized it’s really about reality TV. All those failed bachelorettes have landed stardom, and that’s what they were trying to teach us all those years in middle school. Thanks Mrs. B.

Still not buying it? How about Bar Rescue, ever heard of it? My dream has always been to open a bar (since about two weeks ago) and now I know that I can and I should. Here’s why: The business will most likely be a success because I’m a professional at alcohol. However, in the slight chance it fails, the world will do me one better. They will send in a screaming Jon Taffer and make me a celebrity overnight. It’s a win-win in my opinion. SHUT IT THE F*CK DOWN. Thanks Jon.

One (wo)man’s trash is another (wo)man’s treasure, and one’s pain is another’s pleasure. I’ll be here all night. I’ve got sayings for days on my vision board. Remember, those who can do; and those who can’t, go viral.  Just make sure it’s always recorded and it’s always the most dramatic season ever.

Repeat this mantra:  If I do anything stupid in a Walmart, I will end up on Ellen.

If I do anything stupid in a Walmart, I will end up on Ellen.

If I do anything stupid in a Walmart, I will end up on Ellen.

 

Namaste.

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